I honestly don’t remember what I wrote in my last post. At this point it’s moot. Three weeks ago I was hospitalized at an inpatient facility for four days. Then I spent five days immediately following that at an intensive outpatient program, here they’re called partial programs because you spend part of your day “in the hospital” and part of your day living as normal a life as you can. I’m struggling to keep my head above water, but the program has helped quite a bit. Also, I’ve been having trouble with school. Trouble catching up, trouble knowing what my options are, trouble talking to the right people. That seems to be on the upswing though. I’m slowly learning how to navigate the system, learning who my allies are, learning to lean on them as much as I can.
The psychiatrist I’ve been seeing not only increased my medication, but also wrote me a prescription. A little over 8 weeks left before Beastly gets here and I finally have found a doctor willing to stick his neck out for me. Not only that, but he’s also smart and doesn’t sugar coat anything. After Beastly arrives I will be scheduling CT scans and MRI scans to make sure there is nothing wrong with my neurological systems causing my hallucinations. It’s apparently really rare that hallucinations like the ones I experience happen in mental illness. Not unheard of according to my doctor, but not likely. It’s either neurological or something repressed that I need to work out in therapy. Who knows what that could be, probably something my asshat of an ex did considering they only started a few years ago when I was under extreme duress.
One of my goals is to update this blog more regularly. That’s always one of my goals, but I’m developing a system of when and how to do things that I hope will make this a higher priority. Writing about mental illness, different coping skills, the trouble I experience as a student, and soon as a parent, will hopefully keep my mind focused on recovery rather than desperation.
Thank god I have an amazing support system. I don’t know what I would do without them.