I’ve spent this whole pregnancy dealing with nothing but my own mental health problems. Now that I’ve decided to take medical leave I find out that I get to have two one-hour long appointments every week to make sure my baby is still healthy with the Seroquel I have been taking. This has been an interesting journey and now that I’m on medical leave to recover my own health it’s starting to sink in that in less than two months I will be a mom. I’ve been poked and prodded and evaluated to determine if I pose a risk to my unborn child, but none of it has felt real. This two appointments a week thing is starting to make this baby seem real.
I’ve been told by all kinds of people that I’m not allowed to buy anything for baby until after my shower, sometimes I wonder if that is part of what makes this feel so unreal. I have bought a few outfits, this week will begin my cleaning process to prepare for the things that will undoubtedly be entering my living space after this weekend. I have to fix my nails, prepare for maternity pictures, do laundry, take the cats to the vet, strip them & bathe them. It’s a little overwhelming to think that I’m preparing for a baby. How the hell did I think I would be able to maintain what little sanity I have left by ignoring all of this other stuff? It would have been a recipe for post-partum psychosis, which I am still seriously at risk for. My god have I been ridiculous.