When the medicine has been forgotten

This weekend had some lack of medicine fun. It’s the only time I’ve forgotten to take my medication since they refused it in the hospital when I was inpatient. Sometimes it just happens, usually it’s because I’ve had too much to drink (ie two beers) and taking my medication would be a bad idea, but this time it was just a fluke of excitement. Since the incident in the hospital I’ve been paranoid about taking my meds because the baby shook all day, just like my muscles. Let me tell you, it is not any more fun after the kid gains 4 lbs and doesn’t fit anymore. It felt like my stomach was having seizures all day.

The other side effect was being hypomanic all day long. I woke up at 6 am when Terry panicked in his sleep and grabbed me. He rolled over and went back to sleep, but I was so scared something was wrong I watched him for nearly 7 hours until he woke up. That’s right, seven hours of hypomania doing nothing but sitting in bed on my phone because I was terrified there was something wrong with my husband. A lot of people love hypomania because they get things done, the creativity increases, they are electrically friendly and popular, and everything comes so easy. I’ve learned over the last few years that isn’t the case for me anymore. Now its full of panic; anxiety-driven thoughts that something is going to go wrong and ruminating on past difficulties. That, in addition to the hallucinations, may be part of the reason why my diagnoses was changed to schizo affective disorder. It’s not really a traditional hypomania, but more of a mixed episode.

By the end of the day I did clean. A lot of the garbage is gone from the house, the whole upstairs has been swept and vacuumed, I’ve finished all of my baby shower thank you cards, and the stuff for my niece is finally ready to be sent to her. Today my brother’s birthday present has been sent out, and I made a whole address database so I can find addresses by name when I need. The productive hypomania has definitely set in after the medication was taken again. I’ve been watching lots of ASMR videos on YouTube to try and keep my brain from hitting runaway train pace. Terry started working today and I need to be able to keep a lid on my speed. Fortunately, I have been approved for my medical leave at school so I can take the time to do things that actually keep my thoughts in check, rather than feeling the pressure to keep going at a break-neck pace to keep up with class work. I’ll probably finish a bunch of crafts that have been sitting around, get some pictures of Detroit ready to sell, and read a couple of books.

Anything that keeps my head from spinning is a welcome distraction for the next few days!

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