Cristi Comes, who writes Motherhood Unadorned has a regular series called “I’m not a bad mom because…”. I love this series and regularly read it to keep myself grounded. I have serious guilt some days for my inability to be more attentive and helpful when caring for my little one. My husband has been up every night with him because my Seroquel does not allow me to wake up. In fact, most mornings I’m not even aware enough of my surroundings to give Terry time to sleep before he goes to work. We are so lucky that little Edgar is a sleeper at such a young age. I use the series to remind myself that it’s only been two weeks since I underwent major surgery to remove a 9 and a half pound infant from my insides. Not only that, but this process has changed my hormones which can affect how my medication works. Also I have been adjusting to life at home having taken medical leave from school, and navigating the problem of adjusting the animals to each other and the baby. It’s been quite a journey over the last month or two, and I am extremely lucky to have an amazing support system that understands the complexity of my journey. My medical team is watching me very closely, my husband shoulders most of the burden with no complaints, my father-in-law and mother-in-law watch the baby to give both me and my husband a break, my mom calls on a regular basis, my sister is thrilled about my baby. All of those things combine to help me maintain my sanity.
Eventually I will figure out a better schedule and be more help for my husband, until then I’m not a bad mom because I let other people help me. This is a new process and we are all figuring it out day by day. I am grateful every day for those that help us and those that support us through this process. Life is really good right now, and I’ve decided to make this a “magical unicorn” new baby existence.