Vices and Excuses

I have a weight problem. A pretty fierce weight problem. An 80 lb overweight problem. Over the last 10 years my mental health has fluctuated really seriously resulting in medication additions and removals and adjustments. It’s caused me more problems than it should have because I never adjusted my diet or exercise to accommodate the physical fluctuations.

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These pictures represent my appearance in 2008 pretty accurately. I weighed about 160 lbs when I met my husband and had been off all medication for a few years. I was about a size 13 and really proud of the fact that I felt comfortable in a miniskirt for the first time since high school.

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By April 17, 2009 I was in a size 16. Honestly, I am pretty comfortable in my skin at all sizes. I’m one of those that makes sure I wear clothes that fit appropriately, and my chest has always been larger than my belly. Really what that means is when I look down I see boobs and feet so I forget the belly is there.[000274] [000735]

Skip ahead exactly one year and I was wearing a size 24. What happened? All that medication and lack of exercise coupled with a dead end desk job that made me feel like shit. While I look at my wedding pictures, or any pictures of me since, I want nothing more than to Photoshop out all the fat pieces. The thing is I am still not uncomfortable in my skin, I just really don’t like to look at myself from the chest down or in any kind of mirror. This was my heaviest (well, minus six pounds from my delivery weight, but I don’t count that weight…I lost 20 lbs during delivery) and I was 290 lbs.

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Sometime after that I stopped allowing full length photos of me, this was last summer.

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There are still some full length pictures of me, I just generally edit them to only show bust and up. This was May 2012 at my cousin’s high school graduation. I weighed 255 and was a size 18/20. I’ve maintained that weight and size and have now returned to it post-Edgar.

Now that we’ve gone through the transformation from 2008 – 2012 here is something incredibly stupid that I’m going to post.

Today I have decided to begin another weight loss journey. Those 35ish pounds I’ve lost from my wedding in 2010 have been it since. It’s time to get serious about getting the rest of the weight off. So, as a motivation strategy I’m posting my “before” pictures from today. Be warned, they contain short shorts and a pulled up tank top and make me feel a bit like Fortune Feimster doing a bit on Chelsea Lately. I’ve been manipulating photo angles for too long and need some real accountability in my weight loss journey. Eating healthy and exercise are two of the best things to maintain mental health.

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Here are today’s images – day one! I warned you they weren’t pretty. I found a simulator to help me see myself as I was again. Yes, I deliberately picked the most awful swimming suit the simulator offered. It’s a reminder that I need to not stay where I am.

Me now:

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Future me:

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There are a lot of things I can do to start this journey. First, I am using this blog as an accountability tool. I’m going to log my activity and food in at SparkPeople. My biggest nutrition weaknesses right now are drinking soda instead of water and popcorn with butter and cheese. I beat cutting almost cold turkey, soda will have to go the same way. In my eyes it is the same type of addiction, and really, who’s to say which is worse?  As far as the issue with popcorn…it’s really my own fault. I have an air popper so those toppings are a choice. I don’t know that I want to give up popcorn, and air popped popcorn is actually a good snack, so I’ll be looking for new delicious toppings.

There it is, the beginning of my new weight loss journey, complete with disgusting full length before pictures. I’m going to give it a real go for 100 days which brings me to November 27, 2013. I’m hoping to have crossed off a 5K on my bucket list by next summer. There are so many cool races now!

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