A Return and A Reflection

It’s been months since I’ve updated. Part of this was fear of who might read what I’m writing, part of it was laziness, part of it was how busy I’ve been since beginning work. The last two weeks I’ve worked 50+ hours, I regularly have averaged 45 hours or more since January. Part of that meant I haven’t been checking my twitter, which in turn means I haven’t been up to date on the most recent mental health writings. There have been a few things that have happened recently (most notably the Elliot Rogers debacle) that have been blowing up the blogosphere, I can’t find myself interested enough to write an entire post about the feminism vs. mental health debate there. Most likely because I don’t have any experience with dressing, piercing, or tattooing for anyone but me. My goal is to start blogging again, to read more, to knit more, to bury myself in chemistry again, and to enjoy time with my kid and husband. I feel like those things will make me more balanced again, more myself, and bring back the cheer I’ve been missing lately.

This brings me to the reflection portion of this post. I was asked last week why I bothered to have a kid if I was just going to complain about him all the time. There are a few reasons why this has been happening. First, when I start to feel overwhelmed and like I’m not making any headway in anything I do I ramp up mentally. This is the beginning of a manic state designed to keep myself going until I do make a dent in the things I need to do. Most of the time it doesn’t go anywhere. When I begin the process everything feels like an emergency, nothing is enjoyable, and if I lose my drive to continue the process spirals out of control. Second, after a lot of reflection on this question, it seems rude to always be happy about my life. I have the happiest marriage I have ever seen. We never fight, and really no reason to ever fight. We either always agree on things, can come to a compromise quickly, and truly enjoy being around each other all the time. If I spent all my time with my husband, son, and cats I would always be happy. My son is a great kid. He’s content, smart, very sweet, and full of love, joy and kisses. I’m taking this weekend to indulge myself in some of my passions, relax, remember how amazing my life is, and hang out with my cats and the sweetest kid I know. Next week is a new insanely busy week, and I’m going to try to find my joy in all of it.